Offend Me, Please: The Power of Emotional Resilience
In the summer, Nathan and I would ride through the city (Chicago) together on his light blue vespa. The runner-up in a single round knockout “paper, rock, scissors” battle earned the matching light blue helmet, which proved to be an insufficient shield of verbal assaults. The onslaught of twenty-something frat boys and construction workers shouting “fags!” as we rode by was impressive. Our learned response was to smile and wave. If a red light delayed our escape, one of us would issue a self-deprecating response, and the whole thing would be disarmed. We can agree that these were hostile words or displays of emotional aggression meant to inflict emotional harm. They failed because we had emotional resilience.
The emotional resilience to be able to park the ego, and not be offended has proven to be an invaluable skill throughout our lives. Confrontation is an inevitable part of engaging with society, but it helps us grow. I can see this scene playing out today, and you can imagine how dramatically different the outcome would be. The culture vultures have made victimhood a currency, with the message being; if you are offended, you are a hero. If you belong to a ‘marginalized’ or oppressed class, you are a hero.
Is this the world we want our children to live in? We are precipitating a culture of fear and division around our children that will keep them fighting and suspended in an emotional coma. This is a grave disservice to the young generation. Our instincts to protect our children from anything remotely unpleasant is noble, but highly destructive. What happens when they experience their first broken heart, get passed on for a job interview, or cut from the team? What if someone, God forbid, offends them? They will crumble, and that will be our fault. We can’t balance the social world like an accounting ledger, but we can prepare, motivate, and inspire our children to develop confidence, mental muscle, and a strong values profile, and send them off to achieve the life they want. We can give them the tools to create self-awareness, emotional resilience, and you might want to throw in a bit of critical-thinking and discernment for good measure.
The Power of Self-Confidence: Self-confidence is a crucial trait that empowers individuals to face life’s challenges head-on. By exposing ourselves to situations that may offend us, we open the door to personal growth and the development of a strong sense of self. Embracing offense allows us to confront our own insecurities, question our beliefs, and ultimately build a solid foundation of confidence that cannot be easily shaken.
Cultivating Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, and learning how to deal with being offended is a valuable exercise in building this trait. When we encounter offensive remarks or actions, it tests our emotional resilience and exposes us to uncomfortable situations. By confronting these challenges head-on, we develop the emotional strength to handle criticism, setbacks, and other obstacles that life throws our way. Resilience is not about avoiding offense, but rather about learning how to process and overcome it in a healthy and constructive manner.
Developing Emotional Intelligence: Dealing with offense provides an opportunity to cultivate emotional intelligence— a vital skill for navigating the complexities of interpersonal relationships. By learning to separate our emotions from the situation at hand, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and others. This understanding enables us to respond to offense with empathy, engage in productive dialogue, and foster meaningful connections. Building emotional intelligence equips young people with the tools to resolve conflicts peacefully and promote a more inclusive and compassionate society.
Empowering Personal Growth: Ultimately, embracing offense empowers young people to embark on a journey of personal growth and self-discovery. By confronting and questioning their own beliefs and biases, they can develop a broader perspective and become more open-minded individuals. This willingness to challenge themselves fosters intellectual curiosity, encourages critical thinking, and paves the way for personal and professional success.
Offense, when approached with the right mindset, becomes a catalyst for positive change and a steppingstone towards becoming the best version of oneself. While it may seem paradoxical, learning how to deal with being offended is an essential skill for personal growth and mental resilience. Embracing offense allows young people to cultivate self-confidence, develop emotional intelligence, and build the strength to overcome adversity. By encouraging them to face discomfort head-on and engage in meaningful dialogue, we empower them to become more compassionate, empathetic, and open-minded individuals. Offense, when handled constructively, can be transformed into an opportunity for growth, contributing to their overall well-being and helping to shape a more resilient and understanding society.
This is what motivates us to create and disseminate EQ education for children.
Matthew
